Tyler Cole writes a movie about a guy, Jeff Mayers, who meets a girl at Tower Records. Her name's Jasmine Quentin. She's in an industrial band. Their relationship blossoms through the exploration of the industrial sub-culture. Jasmine's band, My Dog Zero, struggles to put together enough money to make a demo tape. The band is offered a record contract. Still feeling unfulfilled and facing a gnawing emptiness, Jasmine kills herself in a spasm of disenchantment. A Hollywood movie company buys Tyler's script. Tyler goes to L.A. to watch the filming of his script and falls in love with the actress, Estelle Williams, who plays Jasmine. Their relationship solidifies with casual banter on the set, dates to hip L.A. clubs, chic parties, and an excursion to an industrial show--Rebecca wants to more fully understand the character of Jasmine. When the shooting ends, Tyler no longer loves Rebecca and tentatively slinks away from their relationship. He goes back to school and his friends.

Scene 1:

College dorm room.
Shot of empty computer screen. Pan back, college student, Tyler, sitting frustrated before the screen with his head on his hand. Cut.
Shot of clock, 7:23 p.m.
Shot of Tyler reading Faulkner for inspiration, still looking frazzled. Cut.
Tyler in front of the blank screen. Cut.
Shot of Tyler hanging upside-down from gravity boots, chanting. Cut.
Tyler in front of screen, writing tentatively. He writes:
setting: small town in Virginia--Lathrop
plot: boy is asked by mom to go on fishing trip with grandfather
protests, but goes
endures the boring stories of his grandfather
years later he comes to recognize his grandfather's wisdom.
Highlights what he's written and deletes it with a stifled laugh and a shake of the head. Cut.
Shot of Tyler reading packet of special herbal tea. Zoom in on packet. On package are comments about the tea's stimulation of relaxation and mental acuity. Dumps packet into cup to brew. Tyler steeps the tea for a moment, then swirls it with his finger. Close-up looking down on the mug and the swirling liquid. Tyler licks the tea off his finger. Cut.
Shot of clock, 9:17 p.m.
Tyler in front of blank screen.
Shot of clock, 10:34 p.m.

T-"Aah, to hell with it," he mutters and rises.

Calls friend, Lawrence.

T-"Hey, Lawrence. What's up?"
L-"Not much. How's it going?"
T-"All right. I was thinking about heading over to the Coffee House. Any interest?"
L-"Ah, yeah, I could be up for that. What time were you thinking?"
T-"Like now. Or soon. I'm just sick of being in my room. I need a pitcher right about now."
L-"All right. I'm polishing up a problem set, but I'll be over there in twenty minutes. I'll see if I can rally Matt or somebody."
T-"Cool. I'll see if anyone over here wants to go."
L-"All righty. See you in a bit."
T-"Yep. Talk to you later."

In the dorm. Tyler looks into an open dorm room. Sees group of five people, two girls, three guys, sitting on the floor talking.

T-"Hey guys. Anyone want to go to the Coffee House?"
Jen-"What time is it?"
T-"It's only 10:30. Still early."
Jen-"Wow, I didn't know it was that late. No thanks, Tyler. I've got a lot of work. I think I'm just going to stay here."
T-"I figured. What about the rest of you guys?"
General murmur of "no" among the group.
Darryl-"Tyler, how'd the interview go?"
T-"It sucked. I'll never get a job. O.K. now seriously, who wants to go?"
Rudolfo-"Aah, what the hell. I'll come."
T-"All right, Rudolfo! You guys are missing out. You sure? Oh, well, see you later."

Tyler and Rudolfo pass Ron in the hallway.

T-"Hey, Ron, we're heading to the Coffee House. You interested?"
Ron-"Thanks. I've got a paper due tomorrow. How 'bout next time?"
T-"You bet."

Tyler and Rudolfo walk on.

T-"I tell ya', Rudolfo, the people around here just aren't into having fun."
Rudolfo-"I think it's the air. That and a heaping dose of analness."
T-"Yeah, I don't know what it is. It's too bad though."

Tyler and Rudolfo come to Mark's door. They knock. No answer, but the door's cracked so they push it open. Mark's lying asleep in his clothes on top of his bed. Tyler sees Mark's slipper on the floor. He holds the open end in front of Mark's nose. Mark stirs.

T-"Get up, you slag. We're going to the Coffee House to get looped. And you're coming."

Mark's eyes are still closed and his response barely audible. Tyler replaces the slipper in front of Mark's nose. Mark rouses slightly.

T-"Let's go. Get up. Rally, you girlyman."
M-"I'm really tired."

Tyler accepts that Mark is sufficiently incoherent and turns with Rudolfo to leave.

T-"Looks like you and I are the show tonight, Rudolfo. Bunch o' weenies we live with."

Scene 2:

At the Coffee House. Pub-like atmosphere. Pretty crowded. Meat Beat Manifesto-Circles is playing in the background. Rudolfo and Tyler wander in, hunt around, and find Lawrence with Matt and Jess.

T-"Hey boys. What's up?"
L-"How's it going?"
T-"Well, out of a dorm of forty-five people, I managed to motivate Rudolfo."
L-"One out of forty-five. Not bad for your dorm."
T-"Do you guys all know Rudolfo?"
L-"Yeah, how's it going, Rudolfo?"

Matt and Jess and Rudolfo are introduced. Rudolfo and Tyler sit down. One pitcher is on the table. Lawrence, Matt, and Jess are drinking. Matt and Jess are eating mini-doughnuts. Tyler stares ostentatiously at Jess's doughnut.

J-"None left. Sorry," as he pops the last bit of doughnut in his mouth.
T- to Rudolfo "Don't you feel bad when you have something and others around you don't?"
R-"No, I've been getting laid all quarter."
(laughter.)
J-"Aw, getting laid's not all it's cracked up to be anyway. I prefer mental copulation."
M-"What do you mean, like fantasizing?"
J-"No. Homework."
(general jeers of "Geez, you loser, geek, etc," maybe a tossed item.)
T-"Yeah, homework, the refuge of the socially inept. You should get out more, Jess."
M-"I've been trying so hard with this guy. Then he goes and says stuff like that."
J-"We can't all be the virile god you are, Matt. I'm sure Tanya would have preferred mental copulation to what she got from you last weekend, Mr. one-too-many."
M-"Hey now. Whoa! Easy there, tiger. I'm a better fuck soft than you are hard anyday."
T-"Don't demean yourself like that, Matt. You're more than just a cheap fuck. And let's not be pigs here. Women are subtle creatures. They can be satisfied in ways other than sex. Ask Rudolfo. Rudolfo, tell 'em about the electric toothbrush."
R-"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I don't know if they're ready for that yet. Besides, I don't like to give away my secrets. Magicians don't share their secrets. Think of me as a magician, the magician of love. I'm not about to divulge the tricks of my trade to you novices."
T-"Oh please, Rudolfo. If I hurl tonight I want it to be because I drank too much, not because I sat with you for too long. Let's go grab a pitcher."

Tyler and Rudolfo get into line. An air of levity pervades the conversation.

T-"So how was Tahoe last weekend?"
R-"It was pretty cool. I had a good time." smirking slightly.
T-"Did you now? Was Amy up there with you?"
R-"Sure was!" smile broadens.
T-"So you two were up in your dad's cabin all by yourselves?"
R-"No, no, no. We took Jason and Slim up with us. But they went skiing both days. Amy and I didn't get too much skiing in."
T-"So things are still good between you two?"
R-"Yeah, so far. Subject to change though."
T-"Really. How come?"
R-"I don't know. She kind of bothers me."
T-"What do you mean?"
R-"I guess it's just her personality."
T-"Are you serious? I thought you liked her."
R-"I thought I did too. Then I got to know her. And by the time you've gotten to know 'em, it's too late. You're in too deep. Now I'm stuck, trying to claw my way out."
T-"Oh, buddy, that's too bad. At least you have your health."
R-"Yeah, physical. She's sucking my mental away. Women are emotional vampires. They feign moodiness and depression so they can leech consoling from you. It's draining, dealing with that crap. Once they've sucked you into submission, they play mother, mother like Kathy Bates played mother in Misery."
T-"I could kill her for you. Yeah, I could be a hit man for a living."
R-"No, I'll let her live for a while yet."
T-"Yeah, you're right. What the hell am I going to do for a living then? Corporate America doesn't seem to want me so far."
R-"Something'll turn up for you."
T-"I know. I'll go to Club Med and teach tennis. I hear the employees have to sleep with the guests there. No, not get to, have to. It's in the contract."
R-"You know what? You don't have to worry about that job thing."
T-"What do you mean?"
R-"You can stand in line for a living."
T-"Sure. That'd be nice."
R-"I'm serious. People are going to pay us to stand in lines. That's what we're good at. It's what we do. Everyone always says do what you love, the money will follow. Well, I'm going to stand in lines. It's what I like. You get to feel the flow of humanity rush past you, look at all the people, and make fun of them behind their backs. Check out that dude over there. Sweet 'do!"
T-"So who actually pays us for this?"
R-"The government."
T-"Why?"
R-"Line-standing is a government funded program. It came to life under Carter. They thought it encouraged consumption. Yeah. People feel pressured by lines. When someone sees a line of people, they can't just walk past it. They feel like they're missing something. A whole bunch of people standing in a line must be standing there for a good reason. There must be something worth waiting in line for. So they get in line."
T-"Don't they ask someone what they're waiting in line for?"
R-"No, that's taboo. There's no talking allowed in lines. It's like elevators. Besides, people want to let on as if they know damn well what they're waiting in line for."
T-"So what happens when they get to the head of the line?"
R-"When they get to the head of the line, they've been waiting in the line for so long they feel obligated to buy whatever it is that's being sold. They'd look like idiots if they waited in line all that time for nothing. Carter and his economic advisors thought line-waiting'd spur the economy. Reagan tried to deregulate it, but the House wouldn't have it."
T-"That's great, Rudolfo, but I don't know if my grandma would approve."
R-"Yeah, well, it's always an option."
T-"I'll keep it in mind in case this getting-a-real-job idea doesn't pan out. What am I saying? Hell, line waiting's as good a career as any. The pay's good. You get to meet fun and interesting people. You're doing your part for the country. And we are good at it. I think I've found my calling. Sign me up! Wait. How do I sign up?"
R-"At your local post office, right next to voter registration."
T-"How come more people don't do this?"
R-"Oh, they do. You just don't know it." (sinisterly)
T-"You're telling me that people waiting in this line this very moment could be imposters?"
R-"That's right."

T-"Excuse me miss, do you work for the government?" to a girl behind him in line.
girl-"Yeah, I do. How'd you know?"
T-"Mmm. Just a sneaking suspicion. Are you happy with your position?"
girl-"Except for all the waiting, it's O.K."
T-"Didn't you recognize that as one of the hazards of the job when you took it?"
girl-"Well, yeah, I guess I did. I just didn't know there'd be all these bureaucratic hassles."

T-"Aha, I knew there was a catch." to Rudolfo.

T-"What kind of hassles?"
girl-"Well, they're constantly checking up on you, making sure your expenses are legit and all."
T-"What kind of expenses?"
girl-"You know, lab stuff. Test tubes, slides, computers, research facilities."
T-"Don't you think you're kind of taking this thing to extremes?"
girl-"No, I think it's very important to be thorough. We couldn't gather accurate data without the equipment. Accurate data is crucial."
T-"Crucial! What for?"
girl-"You think you can publish credible reports without accurate data?!"
T-"Well, no. But what does publishing credible reports have to do with this?"
girl-"If you want to get recognized in the scientific community, you have to publish reports, results of experiments, test conditions, etc."
T-"Wait a minute. Line-waiting is recognized in the scientific community?"
girl-"What do you mean line-waiting?"
T-"Line-waiting. That's what you do isn't it? Get paid by the government to wait in lines?"
girl-"Are you kidding? I'm a researcher. I thought you said you knew that."
T-"No, I thought you were a line-waiter."
girl-"What?"
T-"Oh, nevermind."

They're just about at the cashier.

T-"What do you want?"
R-"I don't care. Whatever."
T-"Henry's?"
R-"Sure, that's fine."

There are two cashiers. Tyler and Rudolfo and the girl order at the same time.

cashier-"Can I help you?"
T-"Yeah, pitcher of Henry's."
cashier-"Large or small?"
T-"Large."

Behind Tyler and Rudolfo.

girl-"I'll have a cappuccino please."

cashier-"I need to see both your I.D.'s."

cashier glances at I.D.'s and gives Tyler and Rudolfo plastic bracelets. The girl's order comes at roughly the same time as Tyler's. Tyler and Rudolfo turn to head to their table.

girl-"Wait a minute. What's all this about line-waiting anyway?"
T-"Huh? Oh, we were just kidding around. So what kind of research do you do?"
girl-"I'm in the Bio department, genetic engineering."
T-"Really. Wow. Way outta my league. So are you a grad student?"
girl-"Actually, I'm getting my Ph. D. this spring. Then I'm going to work for a bioengineering firm. But that's just what I do during the day. I don't want to sound like too much of a geek."
T-"You don't look like a geek. That's for sure."
girl-"I take it you're an undergrad?"
T-"Yep."
girl-"What are you studying?"
T-"The geophysical ramifications on the ozone layer of methane emitted by cows."
girl-"What do you mean emitted?"
T-"Actually I'm a Communication major. I don't know if that's heavy enough for you."
girl-"No, I think communication is very important . . . especially pillow talk."
T-"Uh, huh. Pillow talk. What do you like to hear over the pillow?"
girl-"I couldn't just tell you. How much fun would that be?"
T-"It'd be lots of fun."
girl-"Well, I guess you'll just have to wait and see."
T-"Wait and see? Wait for what?" (raising his eyebrows, intrigued.)
girl-"For you to be in love. What'd you think?"
T-"Nothing. Are you meeting someone here tonight?"
girl-"No, not really. I just got out of lab and thought I'd have a coffee."
T-"Do you want to come sit with us?"
girl-"Sure."
T-"What's your name?"
girl-"Alexis."
T-"I'm Tyler."
Alexis-"O.K. Tyler. Well, should we sit down?"
T-"Uh, yeah."

They head to table.

T-"Everyone this is Alexis."
M-"So how do you know Tyler, Alexis."
A-"Oh, I just met him. He picked me up in line."
M-"Tyler, you dog."
T-"Whattya mean?! You picked me up. Yeah, she came up ranting to me about some government conspiracy to create long lines in grocery stores. I felt sorry for her, so I invited her to sit with us."

Scene 3: the pillow-talk scene.

In bed. Close-up on the faces of Tyler and Alexis seen over a pillow. Some rustling under the blankets.

T-"Oh, baby! You make me sizzle all over!" [overly sexual] "How's that for pillow talk?" [humorously]
A-"That's great, but you want to know what really turns me on? Talk to me about lab instruments."
T-[looking at her skeptically, then buying in. With a suave, arrogant air, becoming exaggeratedly sensual.] "Did I tell you about the last experiment I did? It was late, raining hard outside. I'd been in the lab for hours. [Alexis is attentive.] My right hand delicately rotated the focus knob on the microscope. I peered down the long, rigid eyepiece. The DNA on the glass plate below kept sliding in and out of focus, as I fondled the knob. In and out, in and out. Slowly I was getting there. I couldn't quite make it out, but with a final diddle of the well-lubed knob--"
A-"Oh God!" [exaggerated, as she jumps on Tyler]

Scene 4:

Tyler, waking up in a well-ruffled bed, discovers that Alexis is gone.

T-"I never thought girls did the disappearing acts. Oh well. [noncholant] I'll nurse my wounded heart over a bowl of Frosted Flakes." [he rouses himself from the bed.]

Scene 5:

Tyler reads a textbook on his bed. He's been reading for a long time. In mild exasperation, he puts the book aside and fires up his computer. Clearly, by the pages of words on the screen, the script is becoming fleshed out.

Scene 6:

Tyler is on the phone with the professor helping him with the screenplay.

T-"Bob. I think the beast is done." (with sarcastic gravity.)
professor-"You're kidding me? Already?"
T-"Yeah. I just really got into it and the pages started flowing."
professor-"That's great."
T-"I've reread it several times, and I think it's pretty much how I want it."
professor-"I'm looking forward to reading it."
T-"Tell you what. I'll go down and leave it under the door to your office, so you can have it tomorrow and take a crack at it whenever you get time. I've changed some things according to your suggestions and hopefully it's up to snuff."
professor-"Sounds good, Tyler. I'll get back to you when I've had a chance to take a look at it."
T-"All righty. I appreciate it."
professor-"You bet Tyler. Talk to you later."
T-"See ya."

Tyler removes the freshly-inked pages from his printer. On the top page is the title, "My Dog Zero." Tyler leaves the room carrying the script. Tyler returns, flops down on his bed, and relaxes. After a moment, he picks up his textbook again and wearily starts reading again.

Scene 7:

Tyler in his room, listening to the answering machine.

professor-"Hey, Tyler. This is Bob. Listen, I read your script, and I'm really impressed. I think some of my friends in Hollywood may even be interested in taking a look at it. I'm going to show it around, if you don't mind. I'll get back to you in a while. Take care."

T-"No way." (Tyler murmurs barely audibly, but excited.)

Scene 8:

A couple weeks later in the dining room. Tyler prepares a plate of food then joins a table with four others, three guys, one girl, already conversing. Rudolfo is there, and Mark. Also there are Connie and Greg.

C-"So Lynne and Jerry are both naked in the bed. They're getting together, and Jerry's friend, Ross, unlocks the doors and busts through. Jerry jumps up and is standing in front of Ross, saying like 'What's your deal, man?' or something like that, and Ross just pops him in the face, completely unprovoked. Jerry falls back onto the bed. He gets up and Ross pops him again. By now Darryl's in the room, pulling Ross out. So Jerry just locked the door again and went back to business."
G-"Are you serious? Jerry was brawling naked, with a wet pickle, on New Year's?"
C-"I didn't say he had a wet pickle, but he was naked."
G-"That's epic!"

Conversation dies.

G-"That's just too good."

Lull.

T-[to Connie and Greg]"So what are you guys up to tonight?"
G-"We have our formal."
T-"Oh, that's right. Who are you taking again?"
G-"Justine."
T-"Ahhh. What are you wearing? Black briefs and tux shoes? Anything more and you'll be overdressed."
G-"Yeah. Yeah. I know Justine doesn't like to be hindered by excessive clothing, but she told me she was going to try to look presentable tonight."
M-"You can present her to me just the way she is, scant clothing fetish and all."
G-"Hopefully the scant clothing part comes later in the night."
M-"Connie, are you going to this thing too?"
C-"No, I'm way behind on my work."
G-"Really? That's too bad. It's going to be fun."
C-"I know. I'm crushed. It tears me apart, the thought of missing another frat formal, a gang of drooling pigs groping a bunch of giddy freshman chics."
G-"I'm hurt, Connie. I think I speak for all my brothers, Spike, Biff, and Meathead included, when I say . . . 'a bunch of satisfied freshman chics.' Why do you think they're so giddy all the time?"
Connie-(laughs)"No, Greg, I know it's not just a meat market--well, it kind of is--but it's easier for me to justify not going if I think of frat formals that way. Indulge me, all right? Tell me tomorrow that the whole thing was just a gross display of primal lust, animalistic passion, and unwholesome carnality. . . . actually don't tell me that either. Just tell me you had a bad time, O.K.?"
G-"Certainly. I won't mention the Chippendale's show, or Mel Gibson's guest appearance on guitar for the band."
M-"If it makes you feel any better, I'm staying in tonight too." C-"It doesn't, but thanks anyway."
M-"How about you, Rudolfo? What are you doing tonight?"
R-"I think I'm gonna go hang out at the Edge with a couple friends. You're welcome to come if you want."
M-"Thanks. I really should get some work done. Here. Check this out. This is part of the project I'm working on. (hands Rudolfo a sheet of paper with a random pattern of dots.) If you blur your eyes when you look at it, you can see stuff in 3-D."
R-"Cool. Let me see it." (starts staring at the sheet of paper.)
T-"Well guys, I'm going to head out. I'll catch you later."
M-"See you, Tyler."
G-"Later on, bra."

Tyler drops off his plate and leaves the dining room. He goes to check his mail. There's a letter from a movie company which he opens right away. The letter reads as follows:

								Universal Studios
								Doug LaFeat
								Head "something or 									other"
								"address"
								Hollywood, CA  "zip"
								"phone #"

Tyler Matthews
562 Mayfield Dr.
Stanford, CA 94305

Dear Tyler,

On high praise and strong encouragement from Bob Ripley, I took a look at your screenplay. Normally I wouldn't waste my time, but Bob was persuasive. He said you had some talent. Even if I didn't like the screenplay, he thought I'd recognize your ability and maybe try to find a place for you in our company.

I've known Bob a long time (we struggled to make it in Hollywood as writers together--not an altogether pleasant trip, but I guess worthwhile), and I respect his opinion. I thought to myself, if Bob's willing to go to bat for this kid maybe I should take a look. I did, and I liked what I saw. I met with some of the higher-ups, and we decided we'd like to produce it. Hollywood needs some fresh talent about now.

Get back to me, and we'll chat about the details.

							Sincerely,
								Doug LaFeat

Scene ?: On the plane. Tyler finds his seat. He's on the aisle. By the window already sits a guy, wearing camo pants and a Primus shirt, with long straight hair and a scraggly goatee.

T-[congenially] "Hi. How you doing?"
Guy-[responsive, with a surferish California accent] "Good. You?"
T-"Good."
[Tyler stows his carry-on stuff beneath the seat in front of him. The other guy fumbles with his stuff, removes a Sega GameGear, and starts to play. Beeping and other noises emanate from the machine. After a few moments Tyler looks over.]
T-[leaning over] "The GameGear huh?"
G-"Yeah, you played Sonic the Hedgehog before?"
T-"No."
G-"It's pretty sweet. I've been getting really into it."
T-"I've been considering gettting the GameGear or the GameBoy. How come you got the Sega over the Nintendo?"
G-"Well, I tell you, I did some shopping around beforehand. For me the biggest factor though was probably the color. I mean check this out. These graphics are first-rate. And when I asked the guy in the store--" [dissolve to same guy speaking later in the flight. Guy speaks loudly, to the point of annoying passengers around him although he has no clue. Several times the passengers in front turn around briefly, but he doesn't notice] "--an open, comfortable relationship. We feel free to talk to each other about pretty much anything, like my girlfriend asked me once how I'd feel about having a threesome . . . and whether I'd want it to be with a girl or a guy. When she said this to me, I was like 'Whoa, wait a minute' and I told her I thought I'd probably be embarrassed and not too into it. [Tyler listens quietly.] Yeah, so it's good though that we can have this kind of relationship. Yeah 'cause we talk about really anything. I mean she asked me if I could ever suck another guy's dick. [at this point Tyler raises his eyebrows and nods slightly to indicate that he's still listening, slightly smiling about what the people ahead are thinking. He glances at the people ahead to see if they react, then looks back to the guy.] I told her straight-up--" [dissolve to same guy again, later. Guy has a Calvin and Hobbes book out, showing it to Tyler.] Look at that one."
T-"Yeah, that one's good." [going along, but not condescendingly.]
G-"Watterson is so amazing, I mean the guy's a genius, the way he captures the emotion with so few strokes. It blows me away, 'cause I draw some too, and I realize how hard it is. He does watercolors too. Check these out. [starts flipping through book.]

Scene ?: L.A. airport. Tyler gets off plane. Man in tux is at gate holding a sign on which the name, Mr. Cole, is neatly computer-printed, not a sloppy hand-written deal.

T-"Hi, I'm Tyler."
escort-"Nice to meet you, Mr. Cole. I'm Jonathon. How are you today?"

They start toward baggage claim.

T-"I'm good. How about yourself?"
J-"Very good thanks. I trust the flight was O.K.?"
T-"Yeah, it was fine. I sat with kind of an interesting guy."
J-"Really?"
T-"He bothered all the passengers around us. I'm glad though. What would life be like without people like him? People need a good dose of offensiveness blared at them every once in a while."
J-"You should fit into Hollywood perfectly then."
T-"We'll see."
J-"Did Mr. LaFeat give you an itinerary?"
T-"No, he said you'd have one for me."
J-"Yeah, I do. It's in the car."
T-"Good deal. I'm ready to get rolling."

Tyler walks jauntily to baggage claim with his escort. Random shots of traditional L.A. symbols as they pass through the airport and the people. Tyler gathers his luggage which is carried by Jonathon to the limo parked outside. Inside the car, Jonathon hands Tyler the itinerary, which he peruses as they drive.

Scene 10: The Beverly Wilshire (or some ritzy hotel in L.A.) The Limo pulls up. Jonathon gets out, opens Tyler's door, and shuts it behind him. Jonathon opens the trunk, and Tyler and Jonathon remove his baggage. A bellhop shuffles over with his luggage roller. Jonathon directs the bellhop to take the bags to "Mr. Tyler Cole's" room. Tyler then follows Jonathon into the grandiose lobby, where Jonathon suggests that Tyler wait in a chair while Jonathon checks in for him.

T-"Wow. What a deal. You even check in for me. Wouldn't want me to break a nail signing my name huh?"[with genuine humor, not bitter or sarcastic]
J-[laughing slightly]"Here's your room key. It's number 212. I'll be back tomorrow morning at 9:00 to pick you up, and if there's anything you need, Mr. LaFeat left the name and number of Sally Renning, his assistant, for you on the itinerary."
T-"Great." [smiling and shrugging as if he couldn't ask for anything more.]
J-"O.K. Have a good evening, and I'll see you tomorrow."
T-"All right. Take care. Thanks a lot, Jonathon."

Scene 11: Office of a movie production company. Big desk. Plush room. Window overlooking city. Tyler and Doug LaFeat are conversing over the vast desk. Doug is leaning back in his giant swivel chair noncholantly, and Tyler is situated comfortably in his own chair, seemingly undaunted by the whole Hollywood scene and Doug's formidable office.

D-"Great to have you aboard, Tyler. Were your accomodations O.K.?"
T-"Yeah. Amazing. You sure know how to take care of people."
D-"We try to make things comfortable. Anyway, I think you made the right decision coming down here. This is going to be a titillating experience for you. The crew's eager, and we're ready to get started. I was thinking you could meet the cast tomorrow night at my house. I'm having a little pre-production fling, you know, to get everyone in the mood. It's marked in your itinerary."
T-"That sounds good. I'm interested to see who ended up getting cast for the roles, you know, see if they gel with my vision of the part. I also just want to check out all these Hollywood characters in general.[with a wry smile] Seems like a pretty bizarre scene to me. I read Nicholson's opening a combination shooting range/espresso bar downtown."
D-"I haven't heard. That may be so."
T-"Is that considered normal? Is everyone down here that out of touch?"
D-"I think we're all a little out of touch, now aren't we, Tyler?"
T-"Sure, but I mean grievously out of touch."
D-"It's a different sensibility, Tyler. You'll learn to appreciate it."
T-"What the hell! I'm always open to new experiences."
D-"That's good because the cast that you'll meet tomorrow night is quite a motley bunch. The guy we got to play, Nathan, Jasmine's guitarist--he just got out of prison three weeks ago."
T-"Are you serious? What was he in for?"
D-"Well, Gilliam Jerome, that's his name. He's what some would call a zealot. In his garage he was building a huge crucifix to pray and do penance in front of. Sunday services apparently weren't enough for him. So he built this huge Christ figure and when he's finished, he decides he wants it to shed tears of blood. So he breaks into a blood bank and steals five pints of AB-. [laughing] Since this was his third offense, they locked him up for two years. I think he's got exactly the kind of intensity we're looking for.
T-"How'd you find this nut? Do you do casting calls in prison?" [with disbelief]
D-"As a matter of fact, we do. We find some of our most talented people there. They have a certain edge. Raw. You'll be happy to know though that we didn't drag Estelle out of a cell. She's looking forward to meeting you, her muse, as she put it."
T-"She's the girl who's going to play Jasmine?"
D-"That's right. Have you ever seen Lesbians at Heart?"
T-"No. I remember when it came out though."
D-"Estelle had one of the leading roles in that. She was magnificent. As a matter of fact, it was her performance as the lonely dominatrix that prompted our casting director to pursue her for the part of Jasmine."
T-"Lonely dominatrix huh? Well she must be talented then!"[sarcastically]
D-[not noticing or ignoring the sarcasm]"I think you'll be pleased. About the technical stuff . . . we'll be using your script nearly verbatim. There's a scene or two that's been reworked by our writers. I scheduled you for a meeting with them this afternoon to consider the changes. I think you'll find them appropriate, but you may have some further input. After that, your job's easy. Basically you hang out and enjoy the filming. If we have trouble with any of the scenes, you help us rewrite. Fair enough?"
T-"Sounds good to me."
D-"Perfect. Jonathon will be around to take you to the meeting this afternoon and whatever else you want to do tonight. I'll see you tomorrow night at my house. Hey, and Tyler . . . we're ecstatic about having you with us. I think we have a hit on our hands." [with lounge lizard intimacy]
T-"Hit or miss, either way I'm satisfied just to have done it."
D-"What? You must be feverish. Don't worry, Tyler, lie down for a while. It'll pass." [with sarcasm]
T-"You got it, Doug." [Tyler flips Doug the old finger-gun gesture.]

Tyler leaves the office.

Scene 12: Tyler slumps into a chair in his large, well-decorated hotel room. He orders room service and relaxes watching the TV.

Scene 13: Cut to the bustle of LaFeat's pre-production party. About 100 people mingling, outside and inside the lavish house. Guys in hip fashions. Girls in chic cocktail dresses, provocative and stylish. Tyler arrives at the door. A gorgeous blond girl in a slinky outfitit opens it.

Girl-[looking curiously at Tyler] "Yes?"
T-[uncertain] "Uh, I'm Tyler. Mr. LaFeat told me to come by."
G-"Oh, I'm sorry. I should've known. It's just that I'm familiar with most of the people who're coming tonight. Mr. LaFeat's right over there [pointing]. I'll let him know you're here."
T-"Thanks."

Tyler looks around casually, absorbing the party. Mr. LaFeat comes over promptly and puts his arm around him.

D-"Great, Tyler, I'm glad you made it. Let me introduce you to some of the cast. That's Seth O'Daniel right over there. [starting to move toward Seth.] He's going to play Jeff."

Seth is chatting with two other people, one girl and one guy. As Mr. LaFeat approaches all raise their eyes and quell their conversation, aware that someone important is nearing.

D-"Hi, Seth, how are you doing?"
S-"Great. Yourself?"
D-"Fine, thanks. Listen Seth, I want you to meet the writer, Tyler Cole. Tyler, Seth O'Daniel. Seth, do you think you can show Tyler around a bit?"
S-"You bet."
[The other two have started talking to each other.]
D-"Great. Have a good time, Tyler. I'll talk to you both later."
[LaFeat leaves]
S-"So I finally get to meet the faceless man." [extending his hand]
T-[shaking hands] "I guess that's me. Does everyone else already know each other?"
S-"Yeah, somewhat. People seem to get around pretty well. Here let me introduce you to two more. [addressing the other two.] Hey guys, this is Tyler. He wrote the movie. Tyler, this is Mark. He's an assistant director, and this is Lisa. She's going to be in some of the club scenes. You should see her dance."
[they all exchange handshakes and "nice to meet you's".]
T-[to Mark] "Assistant director huh? So you're one of the guys who's going to change the movie drastically behind my back?" [chiding good-naturedly]
M-"To tell you the truth, Tyler. I probably won't be changing anything much more than the filter on the coffee machine. Assistant director is just a fancy name for go-fer. It's a start though."
T-[to Lisa] "So you're a dancer?"
L-"I like to think so. You'll be able to judge for yourself soon enough." [flirtatiously]
S-"So how do you like L.A. so far?"
T-"Well, I haven't really seen much of it. I just got in yesterday."
S-"We'll have to show you around then. You'll learn to hate it like the rest of us."
T-"That's what I keep hearing. How come everyone is so down on L.A.?" L-"Not everyone's down on it. I for one love it."
S-"Oh, I don't know. I guess we're not that down on it or we wouldn't still be here. It's just there's not a lot of loyalty down here. You always have to look out for number one, always have to be on guard, put up the front . . . . It does have its plusses though, the money and the girls. I mean check this party out."
[They stand inside the living room amid clumps of conversation groups that coalesce and deliquesce around them.]
T-"Yeah, I might be able to get used to this."
[slight pause.]
S-"Let's go find Estelle. I know she's been wanting to meet you. I think I saw her out by the pool earlier. We'll see you guys later on."
T-"Nice to meet you guys."
M-"Yeah, same, see you later, Tyler."
L-"Bye, Tyler."

They pass through the clumps of people and exit to the outside through enormous sliding glass doors that have been left open because the weather is so pleasant.

T-"So how many movies have you done before?"
S-"This'll be my third, if you don't count bit parts. This is my biggest role yet though."
T-"I wrote it with you in mind." [kidding chummily]
S-"Hey, I appreciate that. [spotting Estelle seated at a table by the pool talking with three others.] There she is. Pretty cute, huh?"
T-"I don't know. I can't tell from way over here." [they're on the same side of the pool about a pool-length away.]
S-"Let's go then."

They walk to Estelle's table. Estelle glances up.

E-"Hi, Seth. How's it going?" [still seated]
S-"Good. I brought you a present."
E-"You did really? What is it?"
S-"Him." [pointing to Tyler.]
E-"Wow. I've never had one of those before. Does it talk?"
T-"If I had known, I would have gift-wrapped myself."
E-"I bet you look cute wrapped up."
T-"Couldn't tell 'ya. Never done it before."
S-"You don't know who this is, do you Estelle? [Estelle looks at him blankly.] This is Tyler, the writer."
E-"Really? [standing] I thought he was just another one of your friends who wanted to meet me. I'm sorry, Tyler. It's really nice to meet you. [they shake hands.] I've been wanting to meet my creator."
T-"Yeah, I was just talking to your mom the other day about how I should spend more time with my daughter."
E-[laughs incredulously] "I meant the movie role."
T-"Oh, that. Yeah, well, I did that too."
E-"I guess I should expect a little wit from a literary type."
T-"Oh, no. I'm not a literary type. I just happen to have written a movie. You shouldn't label me so quickly. I don't like being type-cast. How would you like to play a dominatrix for the rest of your movie career?"
E-[laughing] "You heard about that huh? I thought I did a good job in the role."
T-"What do they say . . . there's a piece of the actor in every part?"
E-"Are you saying deep down I want to be a dominatrix?"
T-"Do you?"
S-"O.K. Well, I can see you two are getting along just fine. I think I'll be moseying along."
T-"Alright, Seth. Hey, it was good to meet you. I'm really pretty excited about this whole thing."
S-"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it too."
E-"Thanks for the present, Seth."
S-"Sure." [Seth leaves.] T-"So where were we? You were telling me about how deep down you want to be a dominatrix?" [fade out on Estelle's equivocal, smiling face that says maybe she does want to be a dominatrix. (fade outs and ins from here on mark the transitions from real world to movie world.)]

Scene ?: [fade in] Inside Tower Records. Jeff's in line. Jasmine and her co-worker, Raoul, a big, burly, smelly guy, are behind the counter, manning the two registers. Jasmine's an industrial, death rocker type, with a nose ring and funky hair, but still very attractive. Jeff's persona is less distinguished. He dresses hip and is fairly attractive. He is more mainstream. Jasmine and Jeff would not be thought of as instantly compatible.

Jeff fidgets slightly with his CD's. His eyes keep getting drawn to Jasmine. She's busy with the register and doesn't notice. Raoul finishes with his customer and starts to help the guy in front of Jeff. Jeff is now next in line. About thirty seconds pass. Jasmine has just finished with her customer and looks up to the next person in line, Jeff. Jeff anxiously returns her look and is ready to shuffle into place in front of her when the old lady that Jasmine had been helping stops and asks a question. Jeff scoots back a space to make room for the lady's return. Jasmine, indifferent to whether or not she helps Jeff, answers the lady's question thoroughly. In the middle of her explanation, Raoul calls gruffly, "Next in line." Jeff disappointedly moves to Raoul's register.

[camera pans back to reveal cameras, directors, and all the accouterments of moviemaking inside the Tower. The audience knows this is part of the filming of Tyler's movie. Zoom in on the director. As he's saying, "chop, chop, people," the camera should reach extreme close-up and then cut to next scene.]

director-[through a bullhorn] "O.K. That was fine, people. Raoul, you're out now. We need Samantha in behind the counter. Switch the extras in line. Seth, get changed quickly. We're trying to finish the next two scenes before lunch. O.K. chop, chop, people."

Scene ?: Inside Tower Records, a day or a few days later. Jeff's in line. Jasmine and her co-worker, Samantha, are behind the counter, manning the two registers and chatting with each other while they ring up customers. Throughout the scene Jeff is noticeably attracted to Jasmine, but he tries to downplay it, play it cool.

S-[to Jasmine] " . . . So the wedding's going to be a year from now. It's kind of hard to believe. Anyway I told him I was going to get together with as many guys as I could before we get married."
[Jasmine looks at Samantha, taking in her statement with upraised eyebrows]
Jeff-[arriving at Jasmine's register and before Jasmine responds, to Samantha, flippantly] "Does that include anyone?"
S-"I don't know. Drop your pants, and I'll tell you."
Jeff-[laughs] "Really. Your boyfriend doesn't mind?"
S-[good-naturedly] "He's cool with it so far at least."
Jeff-[to Jasmine, who's started to ring him up, looking at the register and punching numbers] "He is really? Wow. Would you be cool with something like that?"
J-[looks up, pause, sarcastic] "Why? You wanna get married?" Jeff-[laughs, lightly defensive] "I'm just wondering. It seems sort of odd."
J-[continues to ring him up] "I don't think they should be getting married in the first place."
Jeff-"Why? They're not good for each other?"
J-"I just don't believe in marriage."
Jeff-"How come?"
J-[still looking at register] "It's unnatural. That's forty-three twenty-eight." [looks at Jeff]
[Jeff gives her a credit card]
Jeff-"What do you mean?"
J-[running the card through] "It's not part of our nature. Animals don't do it. You don't see frogs getting married."
Jeff-[trying to be cute] "Sure, I've seen it. A little frog minister. Frog-bride and frog-groom, in tux and wedding dress, together on a green lily pad. You just got to know what to look for."
J-[looks up amused, playing along] "Oh you do huh? Need to catch 'em when they're not looking? Kind of like the cows in that Far Side cartoon: when the car's passed they all stand up and start conversing in perfect English?"
[Jasmine gives him the slip to sign]
Jeff-[while signing]"Exactly." [looks up] "I could show you."
J-[chuckling because she finds him somewhat appealing. Takes his slip and staples the receipt to the bag. While handing him the bag] "Thanks. I think I'll pass on the frog weddings this time." [pointing out his weak pick-up attempt by her inflection on frog weddings]
Jeff-[somewhat abashed by her dismissal, but maintaining his game] "O.K. They'll be disappointed. And it'll be a little embarrassing for me, but I'll just have to tell the frogs I couldn't get a date."
J-[smiling at his foolishness, but also his cuteness. A bit sarcastic and gently condescending, but somehow sweet] "Well tell 'em I say hi."
Jeff-[feeling a little like an idiot, but not caring too greatly. Laughs] "You bet. I'll just add your name to the wedding card for them."
J-"Sounds good."
Jeff-"What is your name?"
[man in line behind Jeff a-hems loudly. Jeff starts to get his bag.]
J-"Jasmine."
Jeff-"O.K. See you, Jasmine."
J-"Bye." [watches Jeff for a moment, more as a curiosity than an attraction. Then goes back to ringing out customers.]

Scene ?: Jeff, in his apartment, where he lives by himself, flips through the yellow pages. Stops on novelty shops.

J-"Hi. Do you have any stuffed frogs?"
J-"No. I mean like real frogs that have been mounted, like a taxidermist's frog."
J-"Do you know anyone who might?"
J-"O.K. Thanks."

Looks up another store.

J-"Hi. Do you have any stuffed frogs, not like stuffed animals, but real stuffed frogs?"
J-"O.K. Thanks."

Looks up another store.

J-"Hi. Do you have any real stuffed frogs?"
J-"No, real ones."
J-"Really? [enthusiastic] O.K. Great. Well, I'll . . . wait a second. Do you carry clothing for Snoopies?"
J-"Oh, well. That's too bad. O.K. Well, I'll be down in a bit. Bye."

He goes back to the phone book and looks up a stuffed animal store.

J-"Hi. Do you carry Snoopy clothing?"
J-"Like the small kind for the little Snoopies?"
J-"Great. I'll come by and take a look at it. Bye."

Jeff grabs his keys and heads out his apartment door. [cut]

Scene ?: Jeff has just parked his car, a small economical type, a few years old, on a fairly well-trafficked downtown street, gets out, crosses the street in between traffic, and goes into the novelty shop with the stuffed frogs.

J-[to the older lady behind the counter] "Hi. I called a little while ago about stuffed frogs."
L- "Oh, yes. Right over here. [starts walking to the frogs. Jeff follows.] We have them in several different poses. There should be something you like. [pause while they walk.] Here you are. If you need anything else, please let me know."
J-[perusing the various frogs] "O.K. Thanks."

Some of the frogs are in mid-leap. Some repose contentedly in the traditional frog position. Others are propped up on their hind legs to assume human demeanor. Jeff selects three of the humanish ones and heads to the counter.

J-"You wouldn't happen to have any small clothes that might fit these frogs, would you?"
L-[thinking] "Gee, no, I don't think so."
J-"O.K. Well, then the frogs will do it."

She rings him up. He pays with cash. He crosses the busy street again and gets in his car. [cut]

Scene ?: Jeff walks into the stuffed animal store, carrying one of the frogs casually by his waist. He talks to a youngish male employee, slightly effeminate but not necessarily gay, who stands in the middle of the store.

J-"Hi. I'm looking for Snoopy clothing."
G-"We have all types of Snoopy clothing. What exactly were you looking for?"
J-[holding the frog up] "Well I'm really looking for something that will fit this."
G-"Hmmm. You know, some of the smaller stuff may work. Why don't we take a look over here. [starts walking] What sort of outfit do you need?"
J-"Do you have a tux and a wedding dress? I could also use a priest's outfit, but I don't have to have one."
G-"I don't know about the priest's outfit, but we do have the tux and the wedding dress. Here, see if these'll fit."

Jeff starts trying the mini clothes on the frog, first the tux. [zoom in to close-up on the frog in the tux. zoom out to reveal next scene.]

Scene ?: three frogs, in ill-fitting matrimonial attire, (the priest frog is unclothed but holding what appears to be a small Bible,) are arranged neatly on a green metal lily pad that sits in the middle of a city fountain. The bride and groom stand side by side, facing the priest. The fountain is in the outside plaza of a large downtown office building. Streams of people flow by on all sides. In the midst of the bustle, Jeff kneels on the side of the fountain with a polaroid, perfecting his shot.

--{middle stuff that I never got around to writing}--

Scene ?: Estelle lies asleep in bed next to Tyler. It's early in the morning. Tyler is awake. He cautiously gets up and puts his clothes on. On the bedside table next to Tyler is a framed picture of himself. He removes the picture and puts it in his pocket. He goes into another room and writes a note for Estelle. He comes back to the bed and places the note on the bedside table and then puts the frame on the note, face down. Tyler leaves quietly. Estelle wakes up and groggily rolls over to where Tyler was. As she rolls over, she extends her arm to put around Tyler. When she realizes he's not there. She becomes alert and looks around. Since she's on Tyler's side of the bed and close to the bedside table, she notices the picture frame on top of the note. She reads the note. It says: "You're not Jasmine anymore." Pan to window overlooking the city.

Scene ?: Tyler and Rudolfo stand in line at the Coffee House.

T-"I'm thinking I might want to be a bartender next year."
R-"Bartending's good."
T-"The money's not bad, if you get decent tips. And you get to meet lots of women."
R-"Speaking of women, what ever happened to that grad. student you met here before you went to L.A.?"
T-"I don't know. I haven't seen her since that night."
R-"Really? Wow. I thought you were going to pursue that."
T-"I might have, but I don't think she was too into me." to the cashier "Hi. Large pitcher of Henry's." Tyler leans against counter after ordering. The cashier goes to get his pitcher. He turns to Rudolfo "So, have you decided what you're going to do with yourself next year?"
R-"No, I'm not sure. I haven't really thought about it much . . ."
Fade out

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